If I Die Today
If I die today I hope my legacy is – that girl sure knew how to live! She truly lived her life! She did not sit on the sidelines and let life pass her by. She went out and experienced all that life sent her way, one mile at a time.
If I die today, I know I lived my life with grace, integrity to my soul, and with pushing through fear to find my inner strength. I have loved with every ounce of my being, felt emotions that have rocked me to my core, and have shown those around me the power in something as simple as a hug.
If I die today, I would have wished to have had closer relationships with some of my family. I would have recognized our differences earlier and instead of railing against them, acknowledged that we are on our own journeys and let go. Letting go of expectations of what you want compared to what you need releases people to become who they are meant to be and not how you want them to be.
If I die today, I want my brother Ricky to know that I would follow him anywhere and that in his wing, I grew stronger. I want my dad to know that I loved him and that I always tried to make him proud of the crazy strong-independent woman that I am today. My mother blessed me with creativity and a free spirit and my Parents gave me stability and strength. (Thank you, Lila.) I might not have been blessed with children, but my life has never known more joy than when I am with my nieces and nephews Tyler, Jessica, Rhiana, and Ryan. The laughter shared with my cousins and my aunts and uncles is something I can’t live without. The bond among my siblings is never ending – Ricky, Valerie, Joey, Vicky – thank you for being part of my life.
If I die today, I want my friends to know that they gave me the strength and courage to let go and run free. Being a person who goes down the road less traveled can be a lonely experience. At times I might have been alone, but I was never lonely as I have the best friends in the world that a girl could ever ask for. It took me awhile to find them, to find those that understood my language, to trust them in my inner space. I am so glad I let them in – friendships have made me feel part of a larger community and is where I felt myself grow the most.
If I die today, my only regret is not knowing what it felt like to fly. I would regret not having one last earth-shattering kiss. I would regret the pain that would come to those I cared about.
If I die today, I know I have seen the most absolute beauty watching the ocean waves roll in at the beach in Rocky Point. I saw what I knew was Heaven when I went to Glacier National Park and when I close my eyes I am taken back to that day surrounded by all those magnificent waterfalls and mountains. For me, the ultimate life would be to have a house with the mountains behind me, the ocean in front of me and a garden on the side. A wonderful husband on his laptop next to me making me laugh as we shared a glass of wine.
If you were to die today do you know what you would do? Would you want to know? And what is death? Is death just a rebirth into a new life? I’m not physically dying today, but I am moving on into a new world. Over the last three months I have seen or talked to those in my past that I have had difficult relationships with. I forgave them, but most importantly I forgave myself for my part in the misunderstandings. I let go of the hurt, the pain, the hate, and forgave. The true power of forgiveness is amazing.
In this last year I told the man who I felt was IT how I felt about him. He didn’t feel the same way. Then there was the one who when we kissed made my heart beat like crazy, but he was too afraid to let go. Recently I met someone else and only time will tell if that is meant to be or is just another chapter in the book of my life.
I know I come into people’s lives to heal them and let them go. A few come into mine to help me stay centered and anchored in and open to this self-awareness that is all encompassing. Allowing others into my bubble takes all of my strength. Most people only see a certain depth of me that I allow. Very few people know the true depths of my thoughts and feelings. Shallow is not a word used to describe me. I have an energy that lights up a room, one that lately makes strangers come up and want to touch me, and a lot of time, want to hug me.
I never thought I would make it to my 40th birthday which is three days away. I have felt that something, more precisely – me, was going to die on April 2nd. For the last few days I thought that it was a physical death but I now know that it was more metaphorical.
Today there are two things that are retiring, so dying in a way. This blog OrangeDragonflyBlog.com retired today April 2, 2014 as did my online persona @dragonflytweet, and my name Kristi Trimmer came of the shadows. They are five years old and I have loved them so. I started writing about social media and food blogging. One day I was so upset about my weight that I told the whole world how much I weighed and started Weigh-in Wednesdays. This is the blog that changed the course of me, and of my writing: Now Weight A Minute.
But it is time to move on, to be who I am meant to be without restrictions. To let you see all of me – the good, the incredibly awesome, and the bad. You see on this blog I was afraid to write about certain topics, afraid to let you see the real me – all of me – because of my corporate clients and sharing the depths of what makes me, well, me. I’m not afraid anymore.
I’m ready to write on what it is really like to travel full-time, camp alone out in the forest, run half marathons when you are physically hurt or emotionally messed up. I want to show you the latest in fitness tech and how it helps to keep me motivated. I want to share my love of gardening and eating an organic soy-free life. I want you to join me on visits to breweries interviewing brew masters and also feel like you are with me at the vineyard sipping away on wine grown from those very same grapes. I will continue to bring you deals that touch on all of these things and ones that I would use in my world. I’m ready to be a full-time writer and blogger of life and all that encompasses the many different aspects of me.
Welcome to my new world, welcome to KristiTrimmer.com.