Ant Attack of 2010

This is a reposting of my Wall on Facebook. The sheer terror of Ant Attack of 2010 is hard to explain, but I have learned that many people (including myself) found humor in this story. Mind you, I did not find any humor in it until today!

I was already late to a networking meeting and as I was heading out the front door, I noticed ants all over my kitchen floor and even crawling into my dishwasher. I mixed up a lemon vinegar mixture and starting spraying them. I thought, well that should get rid of them. I did wonder, where the heck did they come from because there wasn’t even a scrap of food anywhere in my kitchen? I had just mopped the day before and had done some deep cleaning over the weekend.

As I walked outside, I remembered. My neighbor had left his stinky ass garbage out on the landing for 72 hours. He had a habit of doing this before. On more than one occasion I acted like a good neighbor and took his out when I took mine. Well, funny thing, he was coming out of his apt as I was leaving. I politely, but firmly told him about the ants in my apt & that they probably resulted from his trash being left out for days on end. He looked at me, mumbled that he is sorry, but that he didn’t have ants in his apt. And then he gave me the look like it was really my fault. Oh no he didn’t!

When I got home from the meeting, there were still ants all over the kitchen floor. I called the property manager who then went on to tell me that the exterminator wouldn’t be on site until Thursday – this was only Tuesday. I was not pleased. He did say he would send someone to spray down the landing to at least remove whatever remains might be attracting the little buggers.

While trying to kill the ants with that vinegar, water, lemon juice solution I was bit on the forearm. It was itchy, painful and my anxiety was on high since I am highly allergic to both ants and bees. Thus, the newest status update was born… Preparing to Die.

After battling the ants since 7:00am, I had decided to to a little work at my desk. I was fairly productive and had worked for about two hours without stepping foot into the kitchen. Then I was thirsty and wanted some lemonade. All hell broke loose at this point. There were ants ALL over the counters, the walls, the floor… I had a mini panic attack. I grabbed my jug of vinegar and started pouring it all over the place. So not only were there ants everywhere, but now there were puddles of vinegar. I couldn’t take it anymore – the stress of being bitten, the stress of how could I get them to leave, I started to cry. I’m not proud of it, but the tears flowed… and flowed.

My friend Katie called at this point at talked me off of the ledge. I am an organic gardener, but at this point, I made the executive decision to go and get an aerosol killer. I chose one that was somewhat organic with lemongrass oil. I sprayed that stuff everywhere. Since I am so freaking sensitive to smells the lemongrass oil started to give me a headache. This was NOT my day. I called up some friends and headed out the door to go watch the playoff game and have a nice adult beverage. It worked – I came home relaxed, able to laugh about everything, and ready to tackle more ants if they dared to show their little shiny faces.

During all this chaos, one thing started to go through my mind. There are times in every feminist’s life when she just Needs a Man. One who will come in through the front door, hand you a glass of wine, give you a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then kill all of the ants, clean up the mess, including mopping the floors and washing down the walls. Thus a new Facebook Fan Page was born ~ NeedAMan. http://bit.ly/c6poEe

The next day I went into another 7:30 networking meeting and everyone was actually wondering if I had died since I hadn’t finished my story last night. I was so surprised that so many people had been reading my posts. I had received tons of texts, calls, & emails checking on me. Ahhh, the power of social media. #sold  Thus this blog post was born. I am slightly embarrassed about having a breakdown over ants – but hey, I’m human. I’m emotional. And that’s ok, because that is me.

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isms

Do you have any ~isms that you live by? These are my Kristisms.

Here are a few that I made up, or that I’ve heard along the way. Send me yours, and I will be happy to add them.

1. If you are not man enough to treat a woman right, no need to apply inside.
2. If you are not man enough to do dishes and floors, keep on walking.
3. If you are not man enough to change a tire, you best have AAA on speed dial.
4. If you smoke, chew tobacco, do drugs, have a criminal record, don’t take care of your kids, or don’t have a source of income, please do not ask me out on a date. #justsayin
   
5. You know when you know.
6. Sorry, not accepting anyone else’s crap today. This is a no crap day.
7. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
8. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
9. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer’s history if you die.
10. Wear a helmet. No excuses.
11. I’ve come to realize that I am my toughest critic. I am very hard on myself. I’m learning to let it go.
12. I’ve come to realize that my expectations are usually very high and rarely met.
13. I’ve come to realize that I am very resilient and usually land on my feet.
14. If you don’t know where you have been then you don’t know where you are going.
15. Don’t talk politics or religion with family unless you don’t want to be asked back until the next family reunion.
16. Live your life for yourself. Not your parents or your family, and not for a relationship. You are the best vessel to know what you desire in life.
17. Love fiercely, love often, love with wild abandonment.
18. Don’t live vicariously through others, create your own Bucket List and live vicariously for yourself.
19. Travel the world and experience other cultures. Don’t be small minded – open yourself up to the possibilities that are out there.
20. Well behaved women rarely make history. ~ One of my absolute faves.

I forgot the one that my girlfriends and I have said for years:

1. A girl’s gotta eat!!!

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