This last week has been very hard, not going to lie. After I wrote last week’s blog, I felt happy with who I was and accepted that I cannot change things overnight. I was optimistic about the Holidays and hoped that I would reconnect with friends who I hadn’t talked to in awhile. None of that happened.
I met a girlfriend at Sandbar for Happy Hour on Wednesday and crazy enough, ran into about 30 people that we went to high school with. We were having a great time, relaxing, and just having fun saying… Do you remember when? That all changed by one single conversation.
There was this guy who had been talking to us earlier. He came up and and said that there was this fat chick inside with a veil on and asking guys to kiss her for a $1 for her wedding. I said, “Fat chick? You mean the Bride?” and looked at him like – are you freaking kidding me? He looked at me and said, “Well you are fat, but attractive.” Are you fucking serious? You did not just say that to me! I told him that I couldn’t believe he was such an ass and if he didn’t want me to drop him in front of his friends, he better leave. Needless to say, it was all I could do to not break down in tears in front of everyone. I excused myself and had a mental breakdown in the restroom. I had left the house that night thinking I looked great, I felt great, and I had finally accepted that this great love was not coming back and that I had to move on. I also accepted that I am losing weight to become healthier, not necessarily for any other reason nor for anyone else. Then some asshole had to push a very raw nerve and undermine what I felt about myself. Honestly, felt like a really big joke – that everyone was laughing at me.
This is what I looked like that night.
Then the next day, on Christmas Eve I found out someone stole my debit card and drained my checking account. So here I was, coming into Christmas – single, broke, and fat, but attractive. FML. If it wasn’t for the fact that I had family obligations, I would have had the nervous breakdown I so rightly deserved. You see, just the month before when I thought of the upcoming Holidays, I thought I was going to meet someone’s parents, have baking days with my friends, and have my business at a comfortable level that I could actually take a true vacation between Christmas and New Year’s. Only one of those three things happened. Without money, there would be no vacation. Without the love, there would be no meeting of said family. Without my friends, I would be a basket case.
So needless to say, I haven’t really been in the best frame of mind lately. When I am like this, I don’t want to cook, go to the gym, or do anything really. I have spent the last few days holding my pooch Kirby really tight and soaking up all the cuddles and love that he has to give. So I apologize that I didn’t research alkaline foods or that I didn’t do much in the way of weight loss – hope you can understand and forgive me.
This is my boy all tucked in for his nap.
Weight Loss:
Have no clue. House sitting for my pooch and I didn’t bring my scale with me.
What I Did Right This Week
Worked out once
Ate before 7:00 pm most nights
When I went out, I consciously only had 1-2 drinks and had a glass of water in between each one
Only ate one Christmas cookie, and no other sweets. Although I was hoping someone would have fudge.
What I Did Wrong This Week:
It was Christmas, so I made my famous Pancetta Mashed Potatoes and had it for breakfast every day.
Drank 2 cans of Pepsi everyday – it is my security blanket
Drank a bottle of wine on Christmas Eve – don’t worry, I wasn’t driving
To allow myself to enjoy New Year’s Eve and not stress about the way I look. This will be extremely hard to do.
Emotionally speaking, it has been a very difficult Holiday season. New Year’s is a couple days away and I will hang with friends, even though I really just want to sit on my couch and sleep the night away. Ideally, I would take off for the weekend and go somewhere to write and relax. I still am trying to make that a reality. With my account being drained though, a lot of my plans have been put on hold. I know that I will at least take a day to go to the lake and reconnect with nature – I seem to do this whenever I am feeling low. The energy that I feel when I am outside grounds me and recharges me. I need to put all of this crap behind me and start the new year out positively. Writing helps me clear me head and gives me hope for my future. So Happy New Year Everyone – I hope that you have survived the Holidays and are ready to begin again in a few days.
I started looking back through my Facebook photos and in some of them I think I look great and in others I just want to untag myself. I hate any pictures that show my full body or are not cropped correctly to just show from the boobs up. Seriously – there should be a camera setting for this. I have learned, if there are 3 or more people in the pic, to be in the middle. Somehow though, I am always placed on the end – then I have to figure out if it is this shoulder back or that one. I am that girl that wants to see the picture and if it isn’t flattering ask for a retake. Then I just give up. I am stunned when friends say that they love me in that picture. Yes I look at them like they are crazy. Or lying.
I received quite a few messages after last week’s post from people, some I knew, and some I didn’t who thanked me for being brave enough to put myself out there. I might be brave, but I think there has to be a little insanity mixed in. It isn’t easy to sit here and write about how much I weigh or that I am trying to change my lifestyle. It is raw, it is very honest, and it is me.
I am trying my hand at online dating. I know, I know – weeding through the weirdos should be its own Olympic sport! One thing that is the most nerve racking is that I don’t like to meet guys in person because I am afraid that they will judge me for the way I look, not for who I am. I always prewarn them that I am not model perfect. I’m curvy. I’m beautiful in my own way, just not a size 6. I mean I get severely nervous about that first meeting. If you have any tips on how to get over that fear, please post them!
My friend @josephranseth recently talked to me about trying to get back to a more alkaline body instead of the acidic body that 98% of Americans have. I am going to research this and post my findings in next week’s blog. I am trying to get healthy, not just lose weight. I want to be able to go sky diving, white water rafting, and anything else my heart desires and not be limited because I can’t keep up. What would you do if you were healthier?
Weight Loss: 0 pounds – This might be good and bad. I didn’t gain any right before the Holidays, and I didn’t lose any. Christmas is this weekend and I am planning on working out each morning so I can eat, or more likely, drink and not feel too guilty.
What I Did Right This Week:
Drank water every day. Always had a glass near me at all times.
Worked out 2x. Did 25 minutes of cardio the first day: 10 min Stairmaster, 10 Treadmill with running & walking, 5 minutes Resistance Bike. The 2nd time I did 30 min of cardio (I was so impressed with myself!): 10 min Stairmaster, 10 min Elliptical, and 10 min Treadmill doing incline walking
Made my protein shake twice and ate oatmeal twice for breakfast.
Bought turkey meat to make a Turkey Mexican Salad.
Made chicken and rice soup and ate it most of the week
Ate before 7:00 pm every night.
Only drank 1 night, and it was at a Holiday party, so I was kind of required.
Bought Quinoa at Costco today!! So excited to try a couple recipes.
What I Did Wrong This Week:
Went out 4x this week – Including a #cookieadventure to see @ohkatiecookies which I wouldn’t miss for the world.
Drank a can of Pepsi everyday – am looking to find the ones that are made with cane sugar
Didn’t make it to yoga again because that Holiday Party left me wanting to sleep in until 10, which I did.
Had manicotti – but it is my all time fave Italian dish and I haven’t had it in a very long time.
Goals For This Week:
To not eat any processed foods! – only ate Goldfish crackers last week!
To allow myself to enjoy the Holidays and not stress about the way I look. This will be extremely hard to do.
All of last week was pretty rough emotionally. I was still in shock over how things don’t turn out the way you think they will. Then I started to come out of that darkness through the help of some really great friends. They didn’t allow me to wallow in self-pity and helped pick me up and brush me off. I appreciate each and every one of my friends. This week has been a lot better for me emotionally. I am still not in the Christmas spirit, but I am not as angry as I was last week. I also realized my problems are very small compared to what some of my friends are going through. So today, I am grateful to have people in my life that really get me and love me even if they don’t always agree with me. I want to be there for my friends, as they have been there for me.
I try to look at these photos with my friends and not see all the things I want to change about myself, but really look at the picture and see what great friendships I have cultivated over the years. Thank you for being in my pictures, but most importantly, in my life.
Red poinsettias are the signature plant of the Holiday season – when these beautiful plants start to hit the stores, you know that Christmas and all its magic is closely approaching. Every year they come out with new color combinations and leaf edges – last year it was the eye-catching blue poinsettia – I even saw my favorite color orange pop up in the poinsettia world.
Learn some helpful hints on how to take care of your poinsettias and those Christmas trees or evergreens you have gracing your homes.
Poinsettia Care
Once you bring your poinsettia plant home, carefully remove it from all the packaging and foils that might be around it and set it into a basin of water that has at least 2″ of water in it. Let the plant soak the water up from underneath for at least 2 hours. Also remove any damaged leaves at this time.
Display them in a bright part of your home, but make sure they are not in direct sunlight. The large leafy petals are sensitive to burning, especially from a window.
Keep them away from heat vents. The best temperature for them is between 60-70 degrees. They do not like it when hot air is blowing on them and will start to suffer quite quickly from the result of heat.
Make sure the soil is moist to the touch, but never allow it to become soggy or dry completely out. If you notice any petals curling up, immediately sit the plant in an inch of water so it may draw the water up from the bottom.
While your poinsettia is blooming do not give it fertilizer.
Poinsettias are not poisonous – but the milky substance from their leaves can cause skin irritation.
Poinsettias also take a glitter spray very well – for just that little extra sparkle!
Evergreen & Christmas Tree Care
When you bring your Christmas tree home, and if you have a swimming pool – dunk it in the pool for at least 6-8 hours and no more than 24 hours! If you do not have a pool, hose it down real well to hydrate the tree and also to loosen any old needles.
When you are at the Christmas tree lot, ask if you may have the boughs that are at the bottom of the tree (they have to cut these off to be able to fit your tree into the stand).
Soak the evergreen boughs in your tub for 2 hours to hydrate them.
These boughs make a great way to camouflage the grower’s pot of the poinsettia or you can also place the poinsettia on top of the boughs for a very festive look.
The best smelling evergreens are Cedar and Noble Fir.
If you have an artificial tree, insert a couple evergreen boughs into the tree so you may have the lovely scent of a real tree.
I don’t know about you, but the thought of weighing in every week and posting it for the world to see makes me think I am sick in the head. I just might be. Because I actually think I am going to do it. Who am I kidding, I step on my scale everyday sometimes. Neurotic I know. It’s not really about wanting to control what I eat for the day, it is more a mild curiosity as to what I do and how that affects the scale. For instance, did you know you gain more weight when you take a bath than a shower? I’m serious! When you are soaking in that tub, your body is soaking in all that water – this is why you get out looking like a prune. Don’t believe me – you try it. It’s weird things like that which make me jump on my scale a few times a day. It’s my source of entertainment – pathetic I know.
My friend @skinnyjeans recommended I try to blog more regularly about my weight loss so I can help stay on track and so that others will know when to check back to see a new post. So from here on out – Weigh-in Wednesdays have begun!! Ok, I’m really not that excited, just trying to pump myself up. I am hoping by my next post I will have one of those cute ticker things and be a little bit more organized. It’s not happening today though. Here are the basics of what I am going to talk about each week. Generally what is going on in my life – because I know you are all highly interested. Ok, at least fake it will ya? I will post what I have lost, any new recipes I have tried, if I actually made it off the laptop to exercise, and how I am doing emotionally.
I weighed in initially on 11/22 at 201.2 and today I am 199.0 for an astounding weight loss of 2.2 pounds. Thanks for the golf clap – appreciated it. I actually had been down to 197 last week, but then I was an emotionally hot mess and drowned my sorrows in a couple bottles of wine. So does that take care of my emotional recap as well? No? Dang it.
Weight Loss:2.2 pounds
What I Did Right This Week:
Drank a bunch of water most days. I will be honest, not my usually gallon a day.
Worked out 2x. Did 11 minutes on the Stairmaster – yes I thought I was going to die! That thing should come with a warning label – or something – it is the devil incarnate for sure. I also tried spinning for the first and last time ever. Do they make those seats anymore uncomfortable?
Made my protein shake 3 times and had oatmeal twice for breakfast.
Ate before 7:00 pm every night.
What I Did Wrong This Week:
Went out 4x this week – honestly was working 3 of those nights. What I did right though was ordered healthy options.
Drank heavily a couple nights.
Drank a Pepsi everyday – 12 fluid ounces of pure joy
Ate 1/2 an oatmeal raison cookie from Tammie Coe – it was so freaking awesome right out of the microwave
Couldn’t make it to yoga because I was passed out from coordinating a wedding the day before
Went to the gym to burn off some frustration and started crying uncontrollably on the treadmill. I had to leave, it was a very pathetic scene straight out of the movies.
Only drink 1 glass of wine when I go out. This will be almost impossible. Wine loves me, it tells me so every time I see it.
To be in bed by 10:00 pm 5 nights
To release 2 lbs
Emotionally I have not been doing well. Lots of stress. Work has been great, but I feel like I can’t catch up on all my projects. Seriously thinking of not taking on any more work until I get everything off of my plate, but then I won’t have any in my pipeline. Quandary for sure. I have been blessed by seeing so many old friends lately – it really has been so good for me to remember who I was and who I have become. It amazes me when people tell me I am an inspiration or that they look up to me. You see, I get knocked down a lot. In just the last 2 years I have lost my business, my business property, my house, my marriage, my dog, and most recently, a new love that had made me feel so alive again. I am so tired of loss, because I honestly cannot handle anymore. But for some crazy reason, I have the ability to get back up again. I have done this over and over throughout my life as one shitstorm after another has come my way. Strength. That is one adjective I hear quite a few people use to describe me. Sometimes though, I just don’t want to be, but I honestly don’t know how else to be. I have this inner strength that pushes me, motivates me to get out of bed in the morning and to try again even when I don’t want to.
That’s me. I’m not perfect. I bleed. I am human. I have feelings that get hurt by callous words. I’m overweight. BUT I am also beautiful, inside and out. Smart. Funny. Optimistic. Overachiever. Caring. Loving. I am me. You either love me or hate me, there usually isn’t an in between. I hope you will leave a comment and come by every Wednesday to see what is going on in the world of me – or as I am known on Twitter – @DragonflyTweet.
What has surprised me the most lately is when I see people who have been reading my weight-loss blogs. They thank me for being so brave and for putting my life and weight out there for everyone to see. Funny thing, I don’t feel brave. I don’t know what I feel when I write what I do, sometimes, I just need to get these words out of me.
What surprises me the most is when I run into women who I have always viewed as confident, sexy, and honestly, with bodies that I would have loved to have – and they thank me for my words because they feel the exact same way as I do. How could that possibly be? So you’re telling me when I get down to my goal weight and I have a rockin’ body that I am STILL going to feel insecure and feel that everyone is judging me over my weight? Oy vey!! When does it ever end?
I used to think some of my problems with men were because of the way I looked. Don’t get me wrong, from the boobs up I think I am fantastic. My favorite compliment is when someone tells me I look like Salma Hayek – who in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful women in the world. Thank you I will take that.
I was recently dating someone and he broke up with me for no apparent reason. One of my first thoughts was that he didn’t find me attractive. I was able to talk to him and asked him if that was why he walked away. He looked incredulously at me and this kindness that I have rarely seen in a man came over his eyes. He said you are one of the sexiest women I have ever met in my life and you could not lose another pound and I would still find you beautiful. That warmed my heart. It really did. Then I remembered how he first looked at me, and the way he always looked at me – with warmth, passion, and this look I can’t even describe. I just know it makes me melt inside when I do. I then realized that this was my issue and that I had put this undo insecurity and stress onto this already painful situation.
I realize I am an amazing women who is smart, funny, and empathetic who doesn’t live in a perfect body. I don’t always feel confident walking into a room alone, but I do. I have been told by a couple people lately that I exude confidence. Hmmm. I had no idea. Most of the time I do feel confident, because my confidence comes from my intellect, not my body image growing up. But a lot of the time, there is still an insecure person inside who is just waiting for someone to make fun of me. Then I just have to resist the urge to slap them. I’m just sayin’.
These days I wake up alone and go to bed alone, and that’s ok. I am just trying to find my way in this crazy thing we call life. Some days I wake up crying and others I wake up with this overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness. I do miss those days. But through this darkness, I will be brave. For you, but most importantly, for me.
Here is the follow-up Video to Preparing Your Turkey Part 1. In this one, I try not to drop the turkey, try carving it for the first time, all while trying not to step on my parent’s dog. Let me know what you think!
I am a Social Media Specialist and Editor based in Phoenix, AZ. I absolutely love everything about organic gardening, decadent food, and my all time love, yummy wine. ~ Read More
Welcome to my lifestyle blog! I'm single with a passion for life and love good food and wine while trying to eat healthy. Here is an overview what you will find on my Blog:
Manic Mondays, Tech Tuesdays, Weigh-In Wednesdays, Green Thumb Thursdays, and Foodie Friday
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Welcome to my lifestyle blog! I'm single with a passion for life and love good food and wine while trying to eat healthy. Here is an overview what you will find on my Blog:
