Weigh-in Wednesday: Hiking = Peace

05/25/2011

I haven’t been to the gym at all this week, but I have gone hiking four times. I realized something about myself that I have always known, but sometimes forget. I thrive in nature. My heart opens and my soul comes alive when I can see the trees, play with the animals (ok, from a distance!) and allow my senses to be taken over by the sights and smells of the environment around me. I have found myself on Pinnacle Mountain everyday since Saturday, and yes, I was quite excited when I became the Mayor on Foursquare – wondered if the little gophers would recognize the achievement – they didn’t! Yesterday when I went I was in a mood. I mean – In.A.Mood. It wasn’t pretty. Even though I really didn’t want to go to the gym, I knew I needed to do something to release this stress I was carrying around before I drowned myself in a bottle of wine.

I decided to go on a trail that just one week before I stopped halfway up because it was too hard and had to turn around. I was bound and determined, that no matter how long it took me, I was going to finish that trail. On the way up, I saw my favorite little gophers playing a game of King of the Hill while the quail were scurrying around trying to find dinner. When I arrived at the trailhead there were 14 cars in the lot and it was quite peaceful on the way up the mountain since there were so few hikers. I like the quiet, the solace.

There are some things that annoy me though while hiking – am I the only one? When I pass couples I actually get irritated because I hate hearing them talk – you can hear them for quite a distance. I don’t want to hear about their problems – I want peace and quiet. The other thing I have to try not to do is trip the people who run past me while I am trying not to die. @aclevergirl will chuckle at that as we were talking that she now does this and how she used to be irritated by it too. Wouldn’t you know, it seemed like everyone last night was running up the mountain, down the mountain, I was just happy that I finished the loop. YEP – I FINISHED! It took me 1:18” and I felt like I accomplished a marathon. When I got back to my car there was not even one parking spot available – no wonder why the trail was packed with hikers at the end! Mental note made to go earlier.

My view at the top! Wow!

I’m still battling the edema in my hands. Thanks to @terrysimpson I found out that a gallon of water weighs 8 pounds! I didn’t know that! I drink about a gallon of water daily – no wonder I can’t lose weight. I’m only being half serious. But seriously – if I retain water like a camel, how the hell am I ever going to get rid of it?1? I’m on a prescription med because of it, doctors have had me increase and then decrease my sodium levels with no luck. Am I destined to a life of pudgy hands if I want to do any outdoor activity?

2x the normal size – after a 1-hr hike

Weight Loss:

Lost 0 pounds – I don’t want to talk about it.

What I Did Right This Week:

• Ate healthy – made a whole chicken then cut it up and used it in all kinds of recipes
• Took apple cider vinegar capsules daily
• Hiked 4x
• Made green protein shake 3x
• Meditated each morning
• Am trying not to drink wine this week – now this weekend is a whole other story

What I Did Wrong This Week:

• Didn’t drink Kombucha – it is temporarily out of my budget.
• Drank Pepsi twice. Went the last 3 days without it, but the caffeine headache today was too much.
• Caved into a craving for movie popcorn – yummy.

Goals For This Week:

• Cook at home 4x and make healthy meals on Sunday
• Make my protein shake 3x
• Workout 4x, hiking 4x
• Meditate every morning

The last couple years my life has been synonymous with change. I feel another big change coming and I don’t know what it is. I’m putting out to the Universe that I sure hope it is positive! I am putting forth new goals, projects, and really working on implementing them for my Social Media and Website business – Orange Dragonfly Media. I am working on cleaning out more of my house – if I haven’t used it this last year, it needs to go. I’m cleaning out my life so I am ready for whatever this next change is. I was asked today what do I dream about doing with my life – I looked at him my friend blankly and realized I didn’t know anymore. I’ve lost my dreams along the way, but I think it is time to find new ones. That is exciting and very scary to even think about. Whatever I have dreamt I have done, and then I have had it ripped out of my hands. Dreaming to me now is encased in so much fear and turmoil, that even the word makes my stress level go up. I’m strange I know – don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me.

My intention for last week was to Stop Caring What Others Think. I can’t say that this one was accomplished over night. BUT I am listening more to my inner voice than to other people’s voices. And just for the record, just because I don’t agree with your opinion doesn’t mean I don’t like you as a person. I’m surprised that people think if you argue or disagree than you don’t like them. Strange.

My intention for this week is to Dream. Now I did do a bit of dreaming when I wrote 37 While 37. Do you ever wonder what you were meant to be doing with your life? I thought I knew what my purpose was – I thought I was on the right path. Now I need to find a new path, a new purpose, a new dream. And I have no idea on how to do that.

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Weigh-in Wednesday: Swelling

05/18/2011

Each Wednesday I have every intention of writing this blog, but sometimes life comes along and has other plans. Last week I was knee deep in organizing the Auction part of Taste of the Nation Arizona. Happy to report that the Auction raised $13k and the overall event $25k to fight childhood hunger. Our Steering Committee did a great job in organizing one of the best culinary events of the season. Each chef has one table to create a culinary delight based off of one U.S. city and is allowed full creative freedom to interpret that city as he sees fit. From the tablescape, to each of the five courses, the chefs spared no expense and the guests left extremely dazzled and very full. What a night for such a great cause that is near and dear to my heart!

At Taste of the Nation

When you put in crazy hours for a charity event, do work for your regular clients, and try to have a small amount of down time, it doesn’t lead to much time to do anything else. It seems when my business life is crazy then my workout life takes a sidestep. How can I find that balance?

I have found that I truly enjoy hitting the trails and seeing what Mother Nature has in store for me. I smile when I see the gophers scurrying around, revel in the majestic flight of a hawk, and pray the the snakes are truly more afraid of me than I am of them. Any doctors out there that are reading this blog – heads up: When I go for walks, hikes, or any physical activity outside, my hands swell up so much that I can’t make a fist nor even hold the steering wheel. I wiggle my fingers overhead, take the electrolyte supplements, drink water, and maintain salt levels – but it happens each and every time. Doesn’t happen when I work out inside though. Go figure. Went for a 2-hour hike on Sunday and I weighed myself before and after – I GAINED 4 pounds!! In 2 hours!! Anyone have ideas?

2x the normal size – after a 1-hr hike

Weight Loss:

Lost 0 pounds – After the 4 pound weight gain in 1 day, I will take ending the week at zero.

What I Did Right This Week:

• Drank Kombucha almost every day 
• Ate healthy – trying to switch all my products to organic or locally sourced
• Took apple cider vinegar capsules daily
• Worked out 3x
• Hiked 3x
• Made green protein shake 3x
• Meditated each morning

What I Did Wrong This Week:

• Drank Pepsi daily. I tend to when I am extremely stressed, and yes I was beyond stressed
• Let a whole bag of spinach go to waste
• Caved into a craving for Filiberto’s Carne Asada burrito.

Goals For This Week:

• Cook at home 3x and make healthy meals on Sunday – love doing this
• Make my protein shake 3x
• Workout 4x, hiking 3x
• Drink more water
• Meditate every morning

This past week I also hit another milestone – one year ago I became single. I won’t lie, it has been a rough year, a curvy road with detours and roadblocks, but I am still moving forward. I am still trying to find my way, nothing seems to come easy to me, but I have some great friends and family that have been there to help me on this journey of rediscovering myself. I had a huge debate this week with a close friend about monogamy and the value of marriage. I know so many people who are the products of divorce that swear that they will never get married nor have children. Do you think a monogamous marriage is antiquated? Does lifelong love truly exist? Are humans meant to have just one partner for their lifetime? I know my opinions on these topics, and have heard many others speak up as well. I definitely see a separate blog post on this topic. What are you thoughts? Don’t be shy, share in the comments section.

My intention for last week was to Stop Procrastinating! I really buckled down and have worked the past 2.5 weeks without a day off to get caught up. I am almost there! This week having evening events every night has not helped, but I am certainly trying. I still have a couple proposals to write, pitches to submit, reorganize my two websites, and organize my home and work space – I am not talented in that area.

My intention for this week is Stop Caring What Others Think. I know I am not alone in this one. We are taught at an early age to gain approval from our peers and to have a positive self-image. I have done much better in this category over the last year, but I know that I still have some issues I need to work through. I am not a person who needs public accolades all the time, but sometimes, yes I do like to feel appreciated. But I know that I am my own worst critic and can tell you a 1000 things that I did wrong – but it is hard for me to acknowledge all the good I do. On major life decisions I ask my close friends and family their opinions before I come to my own answer. I have always been self-reliant and an independent thinker, so why do I seek approval from others. This is my million dollar question.

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Weigh-in Wednesday: I’m Doing It Again

4/27/2011

Did you notice that I took last week off? I tried to sit down and write and I was in the midst of one of the craziest weeks I had experienced in a long time. I hope you will forgive me. Then my dad asked me to spend time with my family and take a day off to venture down to Rocky Point to our beach house. And yes, I did say ‘YES’ because typically, I would have said no, but since I am trying to be more open, I gave into the invitation. A couple days on the beach with a Pacifico in one hand and a book in the other was just what the doctor ordered. Took one of my oldest and dearest friends Phil with me and we reminisced over all that the last 20 years has brought us. I was also very happy to get to know my niece Rhiana better and impart a little aunt wisdom to her. I guess we also pinky swore that I would take her out for her 21st birthday and properly introduce her to tequila… thankfully I have  13 years to plan that little outing.

View of our balcony – and yes- you can rent the house!

One thing I realized was how much I had missed being down in Mexico and part of the culture. I have been going down there since I was 6 and my great grandparents were from Mexico. I loved seeing how the parents bathed their children with affection, that young women knew they were beautiful and didn’t try to be a size 2, and that chivalry is not dead among Latino men. I sat back and watched the Mexican nationals (there were actually TONS on vacation there) laugh with one another, enjoy some phenomenally great tacos from Combo Tacos, and live in the moment. My favorite was when they talked to me in Spanish, and I would *try* to answer back in my absolutely horrific Spanglish. It was quite comical, but they appreciated that I was trying. All in all, it was a great trip.

Yes, I’m doing it again – I signed up for the 2011 Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure! I walked in 2008 & 2009 in support of my Aunt Debbie who battled breast cancer. She had a double mastectomy and is currently cancer free! I raised $14k during those 2 years!!! This year I walk in honor of my Aunt Areta who has Stage 3 Breast Cancer and just went through a mastectomy as well. I want to raise $6,500 to help fight this cancer that has deeply affected the women in my life. I can be honest – I am scared of the day of finding a lump in my own breast. Through your donation & support, there will be new medications and treatments to help eradicate this horrible disease. This event isn’t easy, but I promise you, I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t believe 100% that it was worth every muscle ache, weary night, and training walk! I’m going to walk 60 miles over 3 days – what are you going to do?

I have to raise $2300 to walk. But you know me, I never do things at a minimum effort level and want to surpass that!! My personal goal this year is $6500. I need your help to do it. My friends and family gave so generously last time around to help end breast cancer, and I hope you won’t let me down this year. If you would like to donate to my 3-Day Walk, don’t let me stop you! Donate here. If you want to walk with – sign up already! I will be training to walk these 60 miles AND to run in a couple 5Ks this year – join me if you dare

At the finish line with Team Thrivr – what an awesome day and an awesome team!

Weight Loss:

Lost 0 pounds

What I Did Right This Week:

• Drank Kombucha daily!
• Ate very healthy – even in Mexico. Woot Woot!
• Took apple cider vinegar capsules daily
• Worked out 4x – you read that right.
• Walked on the beach a lot. Seriously, my legs are so sore.
• Made green protein shake 1x
• Meditated most mornings

What I Did Wrong This Week:

• Drank enough beer that my blood is requesting more limes to go with the Pacifico
• Drank Pepsi 3x
• Been addicted to chips lately. Sigh.

Goals For This Week:

• Cook at home 3x and make healthy lunches daily
• Make my protein shake 3x
• Workout 5x and do home yoga 3x
• Drink more water
• Meditate every morning

Do you ever feel that some days that you just can’t focus? I have days when I am on fire and can conquer the world and then there are other days where I am spinning my wheels and can’t seem to focus on anything. One good thing that my mini-vacation allowed me to do was to turn my brain off for a few days. I slept. I mean I slept a lot. I actually fell asleep by 8pm on 2 nights for a solid 10 hours and then took naps during the day. I know I have to sleep a solid 8 hours a night or I am Grumpy with a capital G. I have started meditating every morning and every night to help keep me focused on my goals for the day. Keeping focused is sometimes a huge challenge because of all the directions I am pulled in on a daily basis. How do you deal with staying focused? I really need some tips on this one.

My intention for last week was To Say Yes. I said yes to new experiences, new ideas, new projects, and said yes to myself. I actually did. I didn’t turn anything or anyone down and was amazed by how liberating a three-letter word could be. I said yes to old friends, new dates, and yes to letting go. You should try it!

My intention for this week is Focus. I know I have done this one before, but I seriously need to learn how to stay focused. I have so many balls in the air that if I turn my head slightly, they will all come crashing down. That is a lot of pressure and a lot of stress. A update a spreadsheet daily thanks to my business mentor that helps me stay on track, but sometimes I need more help. Being a creative spirit, my mind likes to wander and start new projects before old ones are completed. I HAVE to manage that or things tumble out of control at an alarmingly rate and I completely lose my way. So for this week, help me stay focused!

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Weigh-in Wednesday: Just Say YES

4/13/2011

Have you ever just said “yes” instead of automatically saying “no”? This last week I really stepped out of my comfort zone a few times. First off, I went dancing. Yes you read that right. Usually I am too self-conscious to get out there and shake my groove thang. Well when my girl Jackie starts to dance, (she is an awesome dance choreographer btw) someone has to go out on that dance floor and push all the boys off of her! Here I am at a Scottsdale dance club, not caring at all about what I look like and having the time of my life. I had SO much fun! Can’t wait to do that again. Jackie reminded me that I also let my hair down at the Oscar Party we went to and danced so much that I injured the nerve in my foot that took weeks to heal. I forgot how liberating it can be to just relax and enjoy the moment without worrying about other people’s perceptions of you. Lesson learned!

The next night, @justchrisbyrd and @aclevergirl threw the infamous #dbsparty where you had to dress up. Honestly, I am not the Dress-Up-Kind-Of-Girl, but I did. I actually even won a medal for my costume! Sorry, no pictures were allowed to be taken Let’s just say – can’t wait until the next one! I have also been saying yes to guys who ask me out. Now my date on Monday was for the record books on what a guy should NOT do or say on a date, but man did it give me fodder for Twitter for the day. It was THAT bad. I also finally said yes when a friend, who has supported me through some tough times, asked me out on a date . We shall see on this one, curious as to the outcome for sure. I’m actually allowing myself to be optimistic without prejudgment. Ok – there is a tad of prejudgment, but I’m working on it!

Why don’t you try it this week – just say YES. Say yes to that new project, say yes when your partner wants to try something new, say yes to that internal voice that wants you to get out and live. Just say yes.

I had quite a few people who wanted me to finish my 37 While 37 list – so here goes. This will e the complete list. Seriously – which one are you going to do with me?

1. Lose 30 pounds this year – hey, it’s what Weigh-In Wednesday is all about!
2. Honor my friendships and be the great friend and confidant that also brings out my amazing nurturing side.
3. Be more communicative with my family and work on those relationships that are sometimes the hardest to understand. This would bring be great peace.
4. Go skydiving!
5. Ireland. Enough said. Cliffs of Moher are calling and so are my ancestors to have a pint of Guinness.
6. New York – I must meet you this year. I’ve heard good things about you. Plus, I have lots of great friends there that need some big hugs from me.
7. Figure out how to put bait on my own fishing pole and catch me some Bass. Or Walleye. Just not catfish
8. Declutter my house and declutter my life. This would be a huge accomplishment for me.
9. Learn to not care what others think about me and value my opinion of me above all others.
10. Create a money budget and get back on the savings track. Don’t let finances run my life.
11. Increase my business by 20% and to let go of the fear of great success.
12. Finally finish writing one of the 3 books I have started! What an accomplishment that would be.
13. To fall in love with a man who is emotionally available, kind-hearted, funny as all get out, intelligent, and who treats me with the upmost respect, kindness, and shows his love unabashedly.
14. Go out to nature once a week whether just to the park, the lake, or take a day trip to see one of the amazing National parks we have – thanks to my brother for the National Parks Passport.
15. My most important goal is to allow each person, situation, heartache, feeling of doubt or fear to teach me the lesson I am supposed to learn and embrace that lesson and actually learn from it!
16. Say YES to something I normally would say NO to once a week.
17. Allow my heart to love and let go of its fear of abandonment.
18. Go back to Colorado and take a picture surrounded by my favorite flower – Rocky Mountain Columbines.
19. Swim with sea turtles.
20. Give in instead of always having to be right. When this happens, go ahead and call Oprah. (BTW, would love to see her show before she goes off air!)
21. Reconnect with someone I had a falling out with and rekindle our friendship.
22. Learn how to canoe.
23. Hike the Grand Canyon.
24. Go camping, preferably at Yellowstone. Stay up all night telling ghost stories, roasting marshmallows, and trying to name all the constellations (with the help of Google Sky of course)
25. Hire a personal and business assistant. I so miss having an assistant!
26. Donate more of my time and passion to charities that echo through my soul.
27. Help a new businesswoman find her dream without asking for anything in return.
28. Tell each member of my family what they mean to me.
29. Create a garden haven on my balcony and grow my own herbs and vegetables again. Sustainability baby!
30. Rescue a pooch.
31. Always speak my truth and be true to myself.
32. Love more.
33. Make yoga a part of my everyday life.
34. Look into my options of being a parent.
35. Allow him to love me.
36. Create a cookbook of mine and my family’s recipes.
37. Make a difference in someone’s life.

Rocky Mountain Columbines – So Beautiful!

Weight Loss:

Lost 0 pounds – better than what I thought, because I feel heavier, glad the scale said I was wrong.

What I Did Right This Week:

• Drank Kombucha daily!
• Stocked my fridge full of fruits and veggies
• Took apple cider vinegar capsules daily
• Worked out 1x
• Made green protein shake 1x
• Canceled all my evenings appointments so I could take time for myself
• Meditated every morning

What I Did Wrong This Week:

• Didn’t work out the other 6 days
• Drank Pepsi 3x
• Partied like a rock star for last 10 days

Goals For This Week:

• Cook at home 3x and make healthy lunches daily
• Make my protein shake 3x
• Workout 5x and do home yoga 3x
• Drink more water
• Meditate every morning

I made myself a priority the last few days. I actually said no to some social engagements so I could recharge my batteries. My couch was so happy to see me – he had missed me. I honestly took time each day to let my mind and body relax. Business has been coming fast and furious and I am trying my hardest not to let my stress level get out of control again as I work on staying on top of all of my responsibilities. I made a yummy veggie omelet on Sunday morning and a good friend dropped off some out-of-this-world Quinoa – will try to get that recipe! Happy to say that I have ate at home 80% of my meals the last few days. I have missed using my kitchen for something other than my paper pile. My biggest goal for this last week was to get my eating back under control. This next week is to get back to the gym and to the yoga studio.

My intention for last week was Balance. For me, balance meant back to working out daily, eating healthy, making time for friends and family, but most importantly making time for me. I struggle with balance in my life. I still have a lot to work on with balance, this is not an easy attribute for me to master. Each day though before I open my eyes, I state my intention for the day – for business, who I want to be and what I want to accomplish, and what I need to work on. These 10 minutes help to balance me and keep me focused throughout the day. When I go to bed at night, I check in with myself to see how I did. Sometimes great, sometimes not so great – but the big thing is – I at least tried.

My intention for this week is To Say Yes. This is much harder than it sounds. I am saying yes to new experiences, new ideas, new projects, and saying yes to myself. I was raised where the first automatic response out of anyone’s mouth was No. I find myself doing this in business dealings and in personal relationships – well, not this week. I want to say yes and then make the plan of action to accomplish that bold statement. So if there has ever been a time when you wanted to ask me for something or to do something with you – ask away, because I will most likely say YES.

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Weigh-in Wednesday: Being Open

3/23/2011

I really don’t want to write this blog today. People comment all the time that they like how raw and open I am and how through my writing they can really see the person behind the words. Right now though, you really don’t want to know my thoughts. Trust me. So for this week, my thoughts are my own. The trust I have in others is on very shaky ground and the faith in myself isn’t stable either.

Last week I shared that through extreme stress I developed Shingles on my neck. I am happy to say that there are no more bumps and the doctors say I am no longer contagious. She said I had a very mild case and whatever I had done to reduce my stress worked. Last week, and even some this week, people canceled plans with me, didn’t want to be near me, and most people were cautious to hug me. I get it. I really do. I kept my distance as well because I surely did not want to be the reason someone developed Chicken Pox. What was hard though were the people that had already had the virus or had been vaccinated and still steered clear of me. I felt very isolated. Very alone.

The two things I did to relieve some stress was I did a Reiki session and I went out to be one with nature. The Reiki session was with Melanie Dunlap of Peaceful Enrichment Center.

Reiki (ray-key) means “universal life force energy” and is a gentle, non-invasive healing modality. Reiki assists the body in restoring the natural balance essential to maintaining its energy system and in supporting its ability to repair itself. It is a simple, yet extremely effective hands-on healing technique.

I was very surprised by how much energy I felt during the session, nothing like I have ever experienced before. I have been more in tune with the fact that over the last few months I can really feel people’s energies when they are near me. I sometimes absorb their energy, both positive and negative energy to where it really affects my mood. I emit a lot of energy as well. Most of the time it is very positive, but I know that when I am battling negative thoughts I can be an energy sucker for people that are sensitive like I am. And nobody wants to be around an energy sucker! No bueno.

When I left Mel’s I had the overwhelming urge that I HAD to go to Canyon Lake that day. It was so strong within me that I went home, packed a cooler, grabbed my camera, and drove the 2 hours over to The Dolly Steamboat at Canyon Lake. I barely made it and had to beg to be allowed on the boat because they were overbooked. I found a railing on the side of the boat where I could be completely alone. I then opened up my heart and mind and allowed myself to feel the sun’s rays on my skin, the cool breeze in my hair, and relax as I viewed one of the most beautiful spots in Arizona. I feel at peace when I am out in nature. Being out there that day I felt at home. I saw Big Horn Sheep, hawks, Turkey Vultures, and even some cute little gophers. I named almost every plant that we passed and felt the stress leave my body. I knew in that moment that my life would be ok. For one day I found the peace I searched for. I felt loved, accepted, and trusted that my heart was safe and secure.

I really wish I could go back to that place in time.

I asked some tough questions of a close friend and was honestly surprised by some of the answers. I searched for clarity and I certainly found it, not necessarily what I thought I was going to hear for sure. I realized that even though two people can say the same thing, but the way we interpret it can be completely and totally different. This is a life lesson that I am still learning. I also recognized that some people can touch you far more than you ever anticipated. They show you their vulnerability and expose yours as well. I’m searching deep within to come to terms with some deep-seeded issues that I never recognized that I had before.

Why do I always mention my life in my blog? Because all of this affects my weight loss. My mind affects whether I am going to go to the gym or make time for yoga, whether I am going to cook a delicious meal or just eat a cracker or forget to eat at all. I’ve often wondered if I should just stick to weight loss or if you enjoy reading about my life. Thoughts?

Weight Loss:

Lost 1.0 pound

What I Did Right This Week:

• Made my Green Protein Shake 1x
• Had veggies and salad a couple times

What I Did Wrong This Week:

• Did not work out once
• Haven’t been to yoga since the end of the 40 Day Challenge
• Have no idea if I ate well because it has all been a blur and I didn’t keep my food diary
• Drank Pepsi 4x

Goals For This Week:

• Go buy Kombucha and drink it daily.
• Cook at home 3x and make some fish and chicken
• Make my protein shake 3x.
• Workout 5x and do home yoga 3x
• Drink more water
• To meditate every morning and every night

I didn’t work out at all this past week. I had early morning meetings and honestly, had a hard time mustering up the drive to go. I hope to make my appointment with my trainer in the morning and get back to it. I really haven’t been drinking either. I have had an occasional glass of wine, but I am not craving it like I was. I mean, is it so wrong to crave a great bottle of Cab? I didn’t think so. How I lost a pound I have no idea. I’m just as surprised as you are.

My intention for last week was Truth. I know it is better to really understand situations from other’s perspectives and that it helps our own communication abilities. But sometimes, not knowing the truth might be easier. Honestly no that isn’t true. I would always rather know the truth than live in Fanstasyland.

My intention for this week is Self-Care. I know that I have to venture back out into nature – see the plants, talk to the animals, feel the earth’s energy envelope me so I may find peace. I treasure my close friendships and need to connect to them and share my love and friendship with them. I only have a handful of what I call close friends and if you make that coveted list know that I hold you deep within my heart. Self-care for me consists of meditation, reading, talking with friends, reflection, and being open to my vulnerabilities.

You never really know yourself until you learn your own vulnerabilities and can feel the pain that they bring. Then you can let them go. Letting them go is the hard part.

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