I really don’t want to write this blog today. People comment all the time that they like how raw and open I am and how through my writing they can really see the person behind the words. Right now though, you really don’t want to know my thoughts. Trust me. So for this week, my thoughts are my own. The trust I have in others is on very shaky ground and the faith in myself isn’t stable either.
Last week I shared that through extreme stress I developed Shingles on my neck. I am happy to say that there are no more bumps and the doctors say I am no longer contagious. She said I had a very mild case and whatever I had done to reduce my stress worked. Last week, and even some this week, people canceled plans with me, didn’t want to be near me, and most people were cautious to hug me. I get it. I really do. I kept my distance as well because I surely did not want to be the reason someone developed Chicken Pox. What was hard though were the people that had already had the virus or had been vaccinated and still steered clear of me. I felt very isolated. Very alone.
Reiki (ray-key) means “universal life force energy” and is a gentle, non-invasive healing modality. Reiki assists the body in restoring the natural balance essential to maintaining its energy system and in supporting its ability to repair itself. It is a simple, yet extremely effective hands-on healing technique.
I was very surprised by how much energy I felt during the session, nothing like I have ever experienced before. I have been more in tune with the fact that over the last few months I can really feel people’s energies when they are near me. I sometimes absorb their energy, both positive and negative energy to where it really affects my mood. I emit a lot of energy as well. Most of the time it is very positive, but I know that when I am battling negative thoughts I can be an energy sucker for people that are sensitive like I am. And nobody wants to be around an energy sucker! No bueno.
When I left Mel’s I had the overwhelming urge that I HAD to go to Canyon Lake that day. It was so strong within me that I went home, packed a cooler, grabbed my camera, and drove the 2 hours over to The Dolly Steamboat at Canyon Lake. I barely made it and had to beg to be allowed on the boat because they were overbooked. I found a railing on the side of the boat where I could be completely alone. I then opened up my heart and mind and allowed myself to feel the sun’s rays on my skin, the cool breeze in my hair, and relax as I viewed one of the most beautiful spots in Arizona. I feel at peace when I am out in nature. Being out there that day I felt at home. I saw Big Horn Sheep, hawks, Turkey Vultures, and even some cute little gophers. I named almost every plant that we passed and felt the stress leave my body. I knew in that moment that my life would be ok. For one day I found the peace I searched for. I felt loved, accepted, and trusted that my heart was safe and secure.
I really wish I could go back to that place in time.
I asked some tough questions of a close friend and was honestly surprised by some of the answers. I searched for clarity and I certainly found it, not necessarily what I thought I was going to hear for sure. I realized that even though two people can say the same thing, but the way we interpret it can be completely and totally different. This is a life lesson that I am still learning. I also recognized that some people can touch you far more than you ever anticipated. They show you their vulnerability and expose yours as well. I’m searching deep within to come to terms with some deep-seeded issues that I never recognized that I had before.
Why do I always mention my life in my blog? Because all of this affects my weight loss. My mind affects whether I am going to go to the gym or make time for yoga, whether I am going to cook a delicious meal or just eat a cracker or forget to eat at all. I’ve often wondered if I should just stick to weight loss or if you enjoy reading about my life. Thoughts?
Haven’t been to yoga since the end of the 40 Day Challenge
Have no idea if I ate well because it has all been a blur and I didn’t keep my food diary
Drank Pepsi 4x
Goals For This Week:
Go buy Kombucha and drink it daily.
Cook at home 3x and make some fish and chicken
Make my protein shake 3x.
Workout 5x and do home yoga 3x
Drink more water
To meditate every morning and every night
I didn’t work out at all this past week. I had early morning meetings and honestly, had a hard time mustering up the drive to go. I hope to make my appointment with my trainer in the morning and get back to it. I really haven’t been drinking either. I have had an occasional glass of wine, but I am not craving it like I was. I mean, is it so wrong to crave a great bottle of Cab? I didn’t think so. How I lost a pound I have no idea. I’m just as surprised as you are.
My intention for last week was Truth. I know it is better to really understand situations from other’s perspectives and that it helps our own communication abilities. But sometimes, not knowing the truth might be easier. Honestly no that isn’t true. I would always rather know the truth than live in Fanstasyland.
My intention for this week is Self-Care. I know that I have to venture back out into nature – see the plants, talk to the animals, feel the earth’s energy envelope me so I may find peace. I treasure my close friendships and need to connect to them and share my love and friendship with them. I only have a handful of what I call close friends and if you make that coveted list know that I hold you deep within my heart. Self-care for me consists of meditation, reading, talking with friends, reflection, and being open to my vulnerabilities.
You never really know yourself until you learn your own vulnerabilities and can feel the pain that they bring. Then you can let them go. Letting them go is the hard part.
I had another really great weekend. I really did. Started out at the big Yelp party where I hung out with my brother from another mother @ChrisB357, @skinnyjeans, and @1tap. Ran into @goodgreasyeats where he introduced me to the sarcastically funny @glutenfreeaz. It was so much fun laughing with friends and drinking champagne – oh yeah – Narcisse had a Champagne Lounge there! Check out my tweet that night:
A good friend of mine told me that I always seem happy whenever he sees me. And two separate people told me that when I walk into a room I light it up and that I have been exuding warm positive energy lately. Those two comments really stuck with me over the last few days. Neither of them saw me when I was so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed or so uncertain as to who I was as a woman that I doubted every decision I made. I have come a long way this last year.
That is a happy girl!
One year ago this week, I created the social media component to my business Orange Dragonfly. That alone has changed the course of my life. But the really big emotionally driven thing I did was file for divorce. It was not a decision I took lightly, nor made easily. I loved my husband but we were not the right fit for one another. We brought out the absolute worst traits in each other. I knew in my heart that we both deserved to be with someone who would value us and love us through all of our faults and support us through our successes. So I moved out of my gorgeous home into an apartment – I hadn’t lived in an apartment since I was 25. I kissed my pooch Kirby goodbye and promised the little guy that I would always love him and would visit him as often as I could. I left my home with a heavy heart and mind, but at the same time I felt lighter. I cried everyday for over a month. I’m crying now writing this. Those feelings of failure, being desolate, knowing I had really hurt another human being, plus wondering if I would ever feel the love from a man again, engulfed me. Would I ever have a man hold me again or kiss me passionately every chance he could? I am still hopeful, and very optimistic that the wonderfulness of life and love is still part of the path of my future.
I wouldn’t have made it through this last year if it were not for my friends and family. I need to say a special thank you to those of you that were there to support me, remind me of the woman I used to be and the woman I could be again. Thank you for showing me that even though some people might not like me, there are many more who do. I never say what I should, I say what I think and sometimes people like that about me and others times they don’t. And that is ok. I’m not living my life to please you, but rather to please me. It took me all year to learn that lesson. I would always bend to everyone’s else’s whims and desires and forget about my own. Not anymore. I am important and valuable too. So thank you for helping me find my voice again.
One last thing though… Some people criticize me for being so open and honest on Twitter and Facebook. I will continue to be transparent with my life as long as I keep receiving emails and messages from people that say through the courage and strength of my words they have been able to make positive life changes for themselves. I might cuss, I might put my foot in my mouth, or I might share the honesty of falling in love or having my heart trampled on – but one thing you can be certain of, I will always be honest. I’m not perfect, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I am human and emotionally driven and absolutely love that about myself.
Love this dress! What a night!
Weight Loss:
Gained 1 pound – That’s ok. Doesn’t bother me at all.
What I Did Right This Week:
Worked out 4x – Took a couple days off to recoup, more on that below.
Went to Yoga 0x – I definitely missed this. Sure hope I can budget for it again in March.
Had Kombucha 7x – I go to Whole Foods once a week and stock up.
Still drinking a glass of wine everyday – this is the secret to my weight loss!
What I Did Wrong This Week:
Not eating right for dinner lately. Been kind of lazy actually. Want to cook for more than just one.
Tried to make a gluten-free chicken soup that came out less than desired.
Drank Pepsi 1x
Had a craving for Taco Bell. Don’t judge.
Goals For This Week:
Drink Kombucha daily.
Make my protein shake 3x.
Workout 5x and do home yoga 3x
Drink more water
Work on more gluten-free recipes
Remember how I told you I went to The WillingWay’s Oscar launch party? Well, I am still having problems with my toes on my right foot. The current thought is that I actually incurred some nerve damage from those damn high heels. I have had some of the most painful, tear inducing knots worked out from my foot and calves, but my toes still feel like someone is pricking me with a needle. No fun. This has slowed me down at the gym because I have been losing my balance a wee bit.
I was tortured with the medicine ball this week from my trainer… I was not a happy camper. It actually hurts to type right now because my arms are so dang sore. Don’t tell him, but I kind of liked the workout. I need to find my focus again and try to go 5 times this week. My birthday is in a month and I would love to have dropped another 10 pounds. Not gonna lie, hope I am relaxing somewhere not in Phoenix enjoying a frothy beverage with a cute little umbrella in it. My feet can be in the sand too… I doubt they would complain!
My intention last week was Clarity. The one attribute I struggle with the most. I am one of those that always needs to know what is going on, where I stand, and the details of the situation. This kind of drives the people in my life crazy. But it makes me oh so happy. Clarity makes me feel settled, secure, whole. I did find some clarity this week in regards to my divorce, but the two areas where I sought clarity I did not find the answers nor peace of mind that I was searching for. Damn you Clarity for besting me once again! Still my arch-nemesis.
My intention for the this week is Patience. This is one quality that is so elusive it could be the Loch Ness Monster for all I know. I have to give props to those friends of mine that have a lot of patience, because I clearly do not. One of my good friends told me last week that the reason certain situations were in my life was to teach me patience. Really? But I don’t wanna! Yes, I’m whining like a child This week though, I will try my hardest to learn to have patience with people, in situations, and with people’s emotions.
So this week if you see me out and about try not to judge what you do not know is going on. This is a good lesson always actually. I try to hide my pain through smiles and laughter and if you don’t really know me, you would think I am always a happy girl. One person recently has been able to see me, can read my face, and somehow knows when I am hurting. That is a very powerful tool to possess because I am the Queen of masking what I am really thinking or feeling. And yes, it scares the bajeebus out of me. I leave you with this tweet:
One man pushes me down as the other raises me up. One man makes me remember all of my faults and the other sees my soul, sees me.
Sometimes it’s funny how one week can change your perspective on something that you have loved your entire adult life – wine! I have visited Sonoma and Napa in California many times, but was not familiar with the Paso Robles Wine Region. When I heard that they were coming to town to do a Grand Tasting of over 30 wineries, I knew I had to attend. I was a very lucky girl when they allowed me to attend all of the events. I met some of the most amazing wine makers, tasted some incredible wines – a couple I hadn’t even heard of before, and shared great experiences with people I now call friends.
The first night I had the pleasure of going to Rancho Pinot where I met Chris Taranto with Paso Robles Wine Country Alliance. Chris was an abundance of knowledge on this beautiful wine region, knew all the wine makers, their best varietals, and was a great resource for all of my questions, too. During dinner I sat next to Kenneth Volk and soaked up so much history and learned that he had been making world-class wines for over 25 years, best known as the founder of Wild Horse Winery. I was amazed by how quiet and driven this man was and his willingness to talk about what he loved so dearly – the grapes, the land, and the wine he loved to create. It truly was an honor to talk to him over the course of the week.
Midnight Cellars 2008 Aurora accompanied the Grilled Scallop appetizer. Boy were those two great together! Midnight Cellars is a very small winery at only 32 acres with soil similar to the Rhone Valley. This wine is only distributed in Arizona – very happy to hear that! I’ll take a bottle please. One of the best dishes of the night was the Ricotta Gnocchi with Rustic Lamb Ragu. It was perfectly paired with the Halter Ranch 2008 Cotes de Paso. I could taste the Grenache and Syrah in this succulent blend coupled with blackberries and currants. Yummeee.
By far one of the best wines I tried this week was J. Lohr 2006 Cuvee. This bold blend consisted of primarily Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot grapes, accented with Cabernet Franc, Malbec, and Petit Verdot. Can I say utterly delicious? Every time they allowed me to taste this wine over the course of the week, I never turned it down. Most people who know me, know that J. Lohr has been my go to wine if I was ever uncertain as to what to bring to a party or what to order at a restaurant. I had never had the opportunity to taste any of their higher end wines and it was love at first taste for this amazing wine.
Here is a wine segment I did for Smart Family on ABC15 about great wines under $20 – looky who I talked about!
This night at Rancho Pinot was a great start to what turned out to be an amazing week with Paso Robles wine! Can’t wait to write about all of my adventures…
I’m just gonna say it – I partied like a Rockstar this week and lost… drum roll please…. 4 pounds!! I couldn’t even wait to get to that part of my blog. I was like a little kid on Christmas when I stepped on that scale this morning. Can I get a Woot Woot? I stared at the number and thought I was seeing things… what a great way to start the day!
This last week is kind of a blur actually. I had some low points of insecurity, but for the most part, I felt my mind and heart opening up and flying free. Most of the week I felt surreal, like I was in another space, another moment in time. I felt confident, sexy, mindful, and very conscious of my place in this world. Those are some strong emotions to have in one week. Sometimes I felt my heart exploding as I allowed new friends in, honestly met people who my soul thought I had known my whole life. Surreal indeed.
From Thursday through Monday, I had an event every night. Surrounded by old and new friends alike, I allowed myself to enjoy the moment and not worry about what any of it all meant. If you couldn’t tell by my previous blogs, I am a worrier… not my worst trait, but one that does keep my mind reeling at night. I had an amazingly good time at the #Beer4Brains event put on by @FoodiesLikeUs that helped support Trish’s brother who has brain cancer.
One thing I started to do this weekend that I haven’t done in YEARS was dance. Ended up at Narcisse Champagne Lounge on Friday night and who knew that my hips and shoulders wanted to move to the music? I couldn’t stop myself. So there I was – enjoying the company I was with and dancing. It was actually quite liberating. One dark moment though occurred this night – I felt I looked really good – then I went into the restroom and saw my reflection and realized I was twice the size of all the Skinny Giants that were roaming around the lounge. My confidence plummeted, my mood became dark, and I had a serious moment of what the f*ck am I doing here? Thanks to my girlfriends for telling me it doesn’t matter, just enjoy who I am and be confident in all of my attributes. So I did. Took me a bit to come out of that awful place, but smiles and laughter from my friends helped. Flirting sure helped too.
Love to see them laughing!
The highlight of my week was the @TheWillingWay Oscar Party Launch by Morris Callaman, Mariel Hemingway, and Bobby Williams at the Hotel Valley Ho. Their mission is to spread the greatness of living authentically both physically and mentally. I am very excited to see what this new company is up to! Now back to the party…
I had this amazing black halter dress that looked amazing on me, and my friend Stephanie Bond made me the most absolutely beautiful jewelry to go with my dress, custom-made for me. I felt like a Princess! Irene Groh graciously did my makeup – love her!
Let’s talk about dancing – I was a dancing queen, shocked my bff Lisa that I was dancing. Seriously shell shocked. Who knew that I could be that free, that happy, that instead of worrying about, well, anything, I just enjoyed the moment? I truly enjoyed each and every moment. I knew about half the people there (mostly from Twitter) and had some great conversations. I was on a natural high. Felt like I owned the night. I felt liberated. I felt alive. I finally felt free to be just me. I was a happy girl.
What a great night for The WillingWay!
Weight Loss:
Lost 4 pounds – OMG – can you BELIEVE it??
What I Did Right This Week:
Worked out 7x – You read that right!! I have been in a zone. I even tried that crazy Insanity workout!
Went to Yoga 0x – I definitely missed this. Sure hope I can budget for it again in March.
Had Kombucha 6x – I love this stuff! Love being back on Kombucha! I need stock in this company.
Still drinking a glass of wine everyday – this is the secret to my weight loss!
What I Did Wrong This Week:
My eating schedule is whacked. Can’t remember sometimes when I ate, although I know I did.
Drank Pepsi 4x
Goals For This Week:
Drink Kombucha daily.
Make my protein shake 3x.
Workout 5x and go to home yoga 3x
Drink more water
Not to drink too much this weekend! Hahaha, right.
My trainer even noticed I have been in a zone lately – I’m doing everything he recommends and sometimes even want more. I finally took @SherilynMcClain up on her recommendation to come to her weekly boot camp. I walked in and they were doing Insanity, took all my willpower not to walk back out the door. I am STILL sore from that workout on Saturday! OMG it was a killer, but I was so proud of myself for even trying to do it.
This week my intention was Empathy. I honored my mother by practicing this everyday. I have a very caring and loving soul and truly try to sympathize and empathize with those around me, even if they are the ones that hurt me the most. It is good to realize that we are all people with emotions and feelings. You have no idea why people do what they do, so try not to assume their motives, just ask them. Be open to what they have to say.
My intention this week is Clarity. Ahhh clarity – this is the one attribute I struggle with the most. I am one of those that always needs to know what is going on, where I stand, and the details of the situation. This kind of drives the people in my life crazy. But it makes my oh so happy. Clarity makes me feel settled, secure, whole. I try though to remember that just because I ask a question for my own well being, not everyone wants nor has to answer it. It is hard for me to move on from situations without clarity, or to move forward in new relationships. Clarity, my bff and mortal enemy – let’s work on you this week.
One year ago today I took stock of my life and wondered if 2010 could erase the pain and turmoil that 2009 had brought. I was in Minnesota with my in-laws realizing that my marriage was in a dire condition, and that even though we loved each other, we just weren’t the right fit for one another. I had to close my flower shop at the end of 2008 and honestly, most of 2009 was me trying to figure out my life. What did I want to do? Who did I want to be? What was I good at? The things I knew that I was great at – gardening, especially vegetables and herbs, funky flower arranging, and strangely enough, editing. I used to be an editor and coordinator for a Department of Defense contractor for many years, and as I sat looking out at the snow, I wondered – is there a need for such skills in small business?
The next few hours I spent researching editing websites, what they offered and how much they charged. I did a budget on what it would take me to start this new business and even wrote the rough draft of a marketing plan. By the end of 01/01/2010 I had purchased a new domain name www.OrangeDragonflyBlog.com and a hosting account too. You see, I already owned www.OrangeDragonfly.com and this was my floral website. I downloaded WordPress and started making the site my own. I had been doing article writing and freelance food reviews and knew that I wanted to offer this to my clients as well. Who knew that in 12 hours, I would research, write a budget and marketing plan, plus start a website? Well, I have been told on more than one occasion I was a born entrepreneur.
Over the next three days, I really felt energized and that I had a purpose. Most of 2009 I wandered around like a lost soul, not sure of who I was anymore or who I wanted to be. When I lost my flower shop in such a traumatic way, I felt I lost my identity, my pride, and my self-worth. It completely devastated me and did irrevocable harm to my marriage and friendships. This editing business was the first business that I didn’t have a 50-page business plan written for – honestly, I was just going to wing it and see what fate brought me. I never would have imagined all that this little business has accomplished in one short year.
I went in my networking meeting on 01/04/2010 and walked away with my first client BottomDollarShopping.com who wanted to be rebranded, needed his web content edited and updated, and needed new business cards and fliers. I had many years experience working with graphic artists and coordinating the work between them and the client – right away this became a new aspect to my business. Through referrals my business started bringing in an income. I was out with the girls one night and my friend Kristi DeWitt said that she was looking for a typesetter and editor for her new book Stories from the Dating Trenches. She had an extremely tight deadline, and by working 12-hour days, we were able to get this fantastic dating book to print on time. I learned many lessons on this project, and I value each and every one of them.
The second week of March I had completed all my editing projects and walked into that same networking meeting on a Tuesday with no future work on my plate. I was the speaker that day and 10 minutes of my presentation was on my editing services, but the last 5 minutes was on Social Media. You see, I had been reading everything on this new topic and was completely fascinated with it. I used Twitter and Facebook for my business and every day I was receiving calls from friends and family asking if I could teach them how to use these tools. On a whim, I put these services on my flier for the presentation. That whim changed my life. I walked out of that presentation with 10 new clients, and gave the same talk the next day at another networking event and picked up 5 more clients. The next day I filed for divorce and moved out of our home. That was the craziest week of 2010 for sure.
In May I kept having clients say how much they wanted to change their websites and have more control over them, but that their Webmasters wouldn’t release the sites. With the increasing popularity of WordPress and blogging sites, this was a trend I saw all of last year. So I was hired to help people move their sites over to their own hosting accounts and use WordPress as the software platform. Another facet to my business was born.
With each of these migrations I had to create new business cards. In September I actually rebranded my entire look to a more 2.0 vision and have received lots of positive response over the transition. In October I went to Las Vegas to BlogWorld which was the largest Social Media and Blogging Conference in the country. I had no idea that so many people used their sites to bring in serious money by doing what they loved. I received so much advice on what I could do to make my site more user friendly and how to make a living writing and maintaining my business. The biggest piece of advice was make OrangeDragonfly.com my main business site and to brand it the same as OrangeDragonflyBlog.com. I have spent the last couple months doing this and am almost finished with all the changes.
These ones above are my newest cards! What do you think?
I can sum up 2010 with one word – CHANGE. I took each day as it came, I tried not to look towards the future, but to live in each moment, to be in the present. I had never done that before in my life. I rode some very big emotional waves, lost my footing a few times, but came out at the end on my own two feet. Thank you 2010 for showing me that I am still valued, loved, and still know a thing or two about small businesses.
Happy 1st Birthday Orange Dragonfly – you really gave me purpose again in my life. I will be eternally grateful.
I am a Social Media Specialist and Editor based in Phoenix, AZ. I absolutely love everything about organic gardening, decadent food, and my all time love, yummy wine. ~ Read More
Welcome to my lifestyle blog! I'm single with a passion for life and love good food and wine while trying to eat healthy. Here is an overview what you will find on my Blog:
Manic Mondays, Tech Tuesdays, Weigh-In Wednesdays, Green Thumb Thursdays, and Foodie Friday
On Orange Dragonfly Blog, I am available to review a variety of products and services. If interested in sponsoring a review, giveaway, advertising, or sponsorship, please contact me at Kristi@OrangeDragonfly.com. Read More
This week though, I will try my hardest to learn to have patience with people, in situations, and with people’s emotions.
I am a 
Welcome to my lifestyle blog! I'm single with a passion for life and love good food and wine while trying to eat healthy. Here is an overview what you will find on my Blog:
